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Border Rain by AssasinMonkey

There's a great sense of kinetic intensity to this one thanks to the particle effects. One can easily imagine a storm of nearly invisib...

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Is that title clickbait? Yes. Yes it is. It not only has nothing to do with marital life, it may actually be the farthest thing removed from marriage in existence: cheat codes in video games.

Apologies to the married gamers out there. (where did you go wrong?)

The following is a highly excited and wildly exaggerated write-up of my exploits with cheat codes in the early days of Grand Theft Auto V, back when I didn't know any better and the coffee flowed like wine. I'd entirely forgotten about this post, so it was left to decay in a fetid forum archive for nigh on two years before this day. Now... now you will all see it. For better or for worse.

Excessive cursing follows.

--quote begins--

The Skyfall cheat is fucking epic. Surviving it is actually a pretty common occurrence even going full speed straight down headfirst, but really fucking random. As Trevor, I human-missiled like a fucking United Nations Space Command ODS-FRIGGING-T into the Military Base. All they fucking saw, if they saw anything, was a brief flash of something falling at twenty times terminal velocity straight down into the middle of the runway like a goddamn Super Saiyan headbutting the ground. And oh, what a headbutt it was. I headbutted the ground so fucking hard that the shockwaves alone triggered every alarm in the base. They heard the sound of my approach thunder out across the hills more than seventeen seconds after they heard the BOOM of my nose-first landing (if you can call it a landing - it was more like I skullfucked the entire base FROM SPACE). Shit man, by the time they heard me breaking the sound barrier a mile up, I'd already sprinted down the runway, jacked a jet, and flown it out of there. There were tanks driving everywhere, soldiers running everywhere, and not a single goddamn one did shoot at me.

Another time I flew in over the Alamo Sea like Superman chasing a nuclear rocket and followed the west-flowing river all the way out to the ocean. I flew over the train tracks with sufficient force to derail the fucking train and suck it through the air after me. Seconds later, cars driving over the interstate bridge felt rather than heard the banshee-shriek of my passing after I'd already shot through the network of metal supports beneath them. The bridge flexed and quivered as if an earthquake, gale winds, Armaggedon, AND Ragnarok all hit it at the same time, but the drivers didn't even have time to react before eighteen thousand tons of pure train lashed into them like a HALF-MILE LONG BULLWHIP made for the hand of GOD.

The superstructure and fifteen-foot-diameter supports didn't so much "give" as "explode catastrophically" with sufficient force to effect a climate-changing event felt worldwide for years afterward. Elements of the bridge and the train first fused into each other, then caught fire and shed their component atoms into the atmosphere. The magnitude and intensity of the explosion was comparable to a volcano, sending white-hot liquid slag in all directions. Cars still at either end of the span were scattered to the winds as the bridge was torn into gravel and fist-sized shrapnel, while vehicles near the point of impact were vaporized instantly into colorful clouds of paint and metal dust. Cars that had just finished crossing the bridge suffered catastrophic damage and many went over the cliffs to smash on rocky shores below. Survivors from miles away would later report never hearing a thing - one moment they were driving, the next moment they were somewhere else, deaf and in pain.

The debris of the devastation was scattered in a fan-like pattern out over the bay, where enough steam was created that the tides reversed and every fish within two miles floated, well cooked, to the surface. And I saw none of this because I was already six miles out, skipping across the waves while I screamed "SSSMMM-MMMMM-MMEE-MMEE-EEE-MEE-EEE-EEE-EE-E-E-E-E-E-E-me-eme-ee..." When I eventually came to a stop, it was only by punching a dent in the ocean and plowing up a spray-wave sixty feet tall ahead of me.


Or, that's how it would have been had game physics matched real world physics.

--quote ends--

Anyway, so that's how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb
  • Mood: Stuck
  • Listening to: MLP Italian opening
  • Reading: what is reaidng i am shill illterate
  • Watching: omg Lullerby 4 a Princersh
  • Playing: any Destiny is too much Destiny
  • Eating: greasy greasy spaghetti
  • Drinking: dreams

Activity


The Laydown of Troll by Wisdom-Thumbs
The Laydown of Troll
A parody of the Tyr album cover for "The Lay of Thrym." Been wanting to do this a long time, finally drew it last week right as my unexpected vacation to no-internet-land began. jskdj
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Is that title clickbait? Yes. Yes it is. It not only has nothing to do with marital life, it may actually be the farthest thing removed from marriage in existence: cheat codes in video games.

Apologies to the married gamers out there. (where did you go wrong?)

The following is a highly excited and wildly exaggerated write-up of my exploits with cheat codes in the early days of Grand Theft Auto V, back when I didn't know any better and the coffee flowed like wine. I'd entirely forgotten about this post, so it was left to decay in a fetid forum archive for nigh on two years before this day. Now... now you will all see it. For better or for worse.

Excessive cursing follows.

--quote begins--

The Skyfall cheat is fucking epic. Surviving it is actually a pretty common occurrence even going full speed straight down headfirst, but really fucking random. As Trevor, I human-missiled like a fucking United Nations Space Command ODS-FRIGGING-T into the Military Base. All they fucking saw, if they saw anything, was a brief flash of something falling at twenty times terminal velocity straight down into the middle of the runway like a goddamn Super Saiyan headbutting the ground. And oh, what a headbutt it was. I headbutted the ground so fucking hard that the shockwaves alone triggered every alarm in the base. They heard the sound of my approach thunder out across the hills more than seventeen seconds after they heard the BOOM of my nose-first landing (if you can call it a landing - it was more like I skullfucked the entire base FROM SPACE). Shit man, by the time they heard me breaking the sound barrier a mile up, I'd already sprinted down the runway, jacked a jet, and flown it out of there. There were tanks driving everywhere, soldiers running everywhere, and not a single goddamn one did shoot at me.

Another time I flew in over the Alamo Sea like Superman chasing a nuclear rocket and followed the west-flowing river all the way out to the ocean. I flew over the train tracks with sufficient force to derail the fucking train and suck it through the air after me. Seconds later, cars driving over the interstate bridge felt rather than heard the banshee-shriek of my passing after I'd already shot through the network of metal supports beneath them. The bridge flexed and quivered as if an earthquake, gale winds, Armaggedon, AND Ragnarok all hit it at the same time, but the drivers didn't even have time to react before eighteen thousand tons of pure train lashed into them like a HALF-MILE LONG BULLWHIP made for the hand of GOD.

The superstructure and fifteen-foot-diameter supports didn't so much "give" as "explode catastrophically" with sufficient force to effect a climate-changing event felt worldwide for years afterward. Elements of the bridge and the train first fused into each other, then caught fire and shed their component atoms into the atmosphere. The magnitude and intensity of the explosion was comparable to a volcano, sending white-hot liquid slag in all directions. Cars still at either end of the span were scattered to the winds as the bridge was torn into gravel and fist-sized shrapnel, while vehicles near the point of impact were vaporized instantly into colorful clouds of paint and metal dust. Cars that had just finished crossing the bridge suffered catastrophic damage and many went over the cliffs to smash on rocky shores below. Survivors from miles away would later report never hearing a thing - one moment they were driving, the next moment they were somewhere else, deaf and in pain.

The debris of the devastation was scattered in a fan-like pattern out over the bay, where enough steam was created that the tides reversed and every fish within two miles floated, well cooked, to the surface. And I saw none of this because I was already six miles out, skipping across the waves while I screamed "SSSMMM-MMMMM-MMEE-MMEE-EEE-MEE-EEE-EEE-EE-E-E-E-E-E-E-me-eme-ee..." When I eventually came to a stop, it was only by punching a dent in the ocean and plowing up a spray-wave sixty feet tall ahead of me.


Or, that's how it would have been had game physics matched real world physics.

--quote ends--

Anyway, so that's how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb
  • Mood: Stuck
  • Listening to: MLP Italian opening
  • Reading: what is reaidng i am shill illterate
  • Watching: omg Lullerby 4 a Princersh
  • Playing: any Destiny is too much Destiny
  • Eating: greasy greasy spaghetti
  • Drinking: dreams
The Maid of Tarth by Wisdom-Thumbs
The Maid of Tarth
Been meaning to draw this since the episode last season where Brienne and the Hound met (and clashed) in the mountains of the Vale. Some really kickass stuff, as far as TV show fight scenes go. I've actually had this drawing sitting around half-finished for... maybe a year now? Glad to have it done, though I've really got to work on my shading of rocks and moss, among other things.

There's rarely any immediate sense of victory after a hard fight. The actress, Gwendoline Christie, really sold that. And judging by how rough the location was, I've no doubt she was feeling every bit as beat up and short of breath as her character when they shot that scene. Brienne's got to be feeling the hurt as the adrenaline leeches away. No sense of accomplishment in the windblown crags, no sir. Just the stickiness of blood and sweat, the ache of bruises down to the bone (too many bruises in too many places to count), and the throbbing in her skinned knuckles that she'll be feeling for weeks. I tried to capture that brief moment after she rises, but before she remembers the Stark girl and turns to look for her. Mixed success in the facial expression and body language, really.

I wish I hadn't hid her foot, in hindsight. Comparisons to Rob Liefeld incoming.
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> find awesome artist
> fave and forget
> find them again months later
> think "Oh, I Watch this person"
> don't
> find them months later again
> ???
> profits and profits and profits and

So in other news, a certain badass somebody is sending me a scanner on the promise that I'll pay them back with art. This seems to be one of those situations where everybody wins. So I've been drawing so much I actually bruised the finger my pencil rests on, and actually neglected to do a lot of writing.

But it turns out if you turn most of your brain off and DON'T edit for as long as possible, you can get quite a lot of writing done in just one day. And then you CAN edit. Seems so simple, why didn't I think of this sooner?

Oh, and it's been raining so much and so regularly that farming has only interrupted me... twice this month? Good times. It's not rained this much in one year since 2005, iirc. Is it even Summer yet? Jesus. Texas isn't supposed to be this green, what is this
  • Mood: Pleased
  • Listening to: This WoodLore guy is awesome
  • Reading: what is reaidng i am illterate
  • Watching: Avengers: Age of Ultron
  • Playing: at being an adult
  • Eating: salty salty ramen
  • Drinking: coffee black
Substitute "paddle" with "scanner" and that's the situation right now. Back to plowing nights again, usually all night, but it rained today. So work is off for at least another day and possibly the night after that.

Been meaning to make this journal for a couple weeks, but last week I went to Odessa and got stuck for four days. But on the plus side I got to help eat 86 amazing perch we caught the day before that. Turns out they're really bony and the bones are dangerous, so you have to work to eat perch. But they taste amazing, properly cooked. I wish I still had some.

A couple more paychecks and I should have enough to get a scanner. But I don't get paid consistently, so... it might take a while.

Until then, PONY IS BACK? Already!?

i.imgur.com/sMFsj9P.gif

I thought it was a great episode. Definitely one of the best. How does the quality keep going up for these season premieres? The sound effects have improved, for one. For example, Pinkie's hoof made a scraping sound on rock when she left the cover of the big boulder outside the village. Lots of great jokes and visual gags, sly references, and great background music. Even the shots are becoming more elaborate and imaginative.

I'd say more, but you really don't want it spoiled. It's super dark without seeming dark. Fluttershy MVP.

i.imgur.com/XTMf6nc.gif

--

Today's music recommendation is Jonathan Coulter - RE: Your Brains
  • Mood: Stuck
  • Listening to: The Calm Blue Sea - We Happy Few
  • Reading: Outlawz
  • Watching: My Little Pony: Friendship is Doubleplusgood
  • Playing: Red Faction: Guerrilla
  • Eating: beans beans wonderful fruit
  • Drinking: coffeeeee

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Wisdom-Thumbs's Profile Picture
Wisdom-Thumbs
Hugh-John
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
Turns out this plz looks just like me: :iconcrybabyplz:

Hey there, I live on a farm in hot, hot, hot Texas, and in my spare time I'm the embodiment of sloth. We own cows. And tractors. Ugh.

I grew up on Calvin & Hobbes, graduated to Gears of War, found delight in just about everything fictional, and (fair warning) I just so happen to like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I've introduced my kid brother to all of these, and while he thinks Pinkie Pie is just about the funniest thing ever, he much prefers chainsawing his way through Locust hordes. Proud of that kid.

As for what I do, I've been drawing since the day I could hold a pencil. I also write for *BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT*, and at the moment (decade?) I'm working on some fanfiction. One day I hope to start publishing novels and start my own low fantasy webcomic on the side.

Remember that if you don't like what you see, you can always look elsewhere.
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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconraedin:
Raedin Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for fav maaaan
Reply
:icontjally:
Tjally Featured By Owner May 31, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch! I'll return the favour - I really enjoy the way you use your pencils! 
Reply
:iconwisdom-thumbs:
Wisdom-Thumbs Featured By Owner May 31, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
nooooooooo, being observed makes me uncomfortable
Reply
:icontjally:
Tjally Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Turns out I was already watching you Q-Q.... I sometimes forget who I'm DA-stalking >:} 
Reply
:iconlolliponybrony:
LolliponyBrony Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2015   Traditional Artist
My goodness! Truly stunning gallery! Blew me away!
Reply
:iconwisdom-thumbs:
Wisdom-Thumbs Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey, thanks! That's very kind
Reply
:iconfatnumbat:
FatNumBat Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Awesome work! You, sir, get a watch
Reply
:iconb1uejay:
B1uejay Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You have such an amazing feel for mood and character expressions, and it's all done traditionally?? Blows my mind :O
Reply
:iconaquaraptor:
AquaRaptor Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2014
Part 1 of your present awaits you on Facebook!
Reply
:iconwisdom-thumbs:
Wisdom-Thumbs Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
goochi goochi goo
Reply
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